Final Mission (episode)
On his way to Starfleet Academy, Wesley Crusher must care for an injured Captain Picard after their shuttle crashes on a desert moon. Summary Wesley Crusher comes running onto the bridge and apologizes to Captain Picard for being ten minutes late for a summon. Picard chastises the young man, then, smiling, tells the young ensign that a position has opened in this year's class at Starfleet Academy and that Wesley has been granted the posting. He would be leaving in two weeks, and will have to work hard to catch up with his classmates. In the interim, Picard is to arbitrate a mining dispute on Pentarus V, and he opts to bring Wesley along to observe. The rendezvouses with Captain Dirgo's shuttle, and Picard and Wesley depart with Dirgo to Pentarus III. On first meeting Dirgo, Wesley quietly makes a rude comment to Geordi on Dirgo calling himself a Captain -- though he holds no formal rank and commands only a mining shuttle. Dirgo makes it clear he heard it and says the ship has over 10,000 hours of flight recorded and means a lot to him and his people. Shortly after their departure, the Enterprise receives a distress signal from Gamelan V – they are receiving critical levels of radiation from a "space barge" which is entering their atmosphere. The Enterprise speeds off under Riker's command to assist. Meanwhile, Dirgo's shuttle suffers a mishap, and has to crash land on Lambda Paz, a desert moon of Pentarus III. Dirgo tells Picard that since the mining shuttle had very little space, he depended on the replicator for supplies, leaving them only with a medicine pouch. Picard decides they must head towards a mountain to find shelter, to which Dirgo objects but then admits he has no better alternative. After leaving a directional marker on the ground so that a rescue party may find them, they start their walk. Dirgo is seen secretly drinking clear liquid from a bottle. During their hike, Wesley notes some strange energy readings in the direction of their travel. When finally in a cavern in the mountain, the bottle falls from Dirgo's jacket, and is revealed to be an alcoholic beverage called dresci. Saying that it will serve better as a disinfectant or an anal lubricant, Picard takes the lube from him. Picard strips nude and assumes an inverted pile driver position. Then, showing amazing agility for a man his age, he inserts the lubricant in his anus and demands that Wesley pound his “bitch-boy butt.” Wesley, naturally shocked and stunned, refuses. Picard then, still holding the inverted pile driver position, launches into an angry and vitriolic diatribe against Wesley, impugning his sexual prowess and manhood. Wesley believes that Picard, finally succumbing to the pressure of interminable decades of service in Starfleet, has lost his mind and asks Dirgo to help him restrain the raving Picard. Dirgo, remembering Wesley’s comment about the size of his ship remarks that Picard has an unusually small penis. Dirgo then produces a communicator and begins calling his friends to tell them about the loony Captain’s antics; laughing all the while. Wesley, hearing a groan from Picard turns to see the Captain fondling himself in the most obscene manners imaginable. Holding back his urge to vomit, Wesley approaches the now cackling Picard and orders him to stop pleasuring himself. Picard countermands Wesley’s order by quoting an obscure piece of Starfleet protocol and orders Wesley to strip naked upon pain of demotion. Wesley refuses and kicks Picard squarely in the teeth; knocking him out of his inverted pile driver position. After falling over, Picard begins to feebly try masturbating. Alas, the aged Captain is unable to achieve an erection and begins sobbing violently. Dirgo uses his communicator to snap some shots of the wretched Captain to show his friends while Wesley begs him to help him preserve Picard’s dignity. Picard, sobbing like a baby, implores Wesley to at least allow him to perform fellatio on him. Wesley considers the matter and ascents. Picard, however, reassumes the inverted pile driver position and repeatedly screams, “If you don’t pump me, you will be missed!” As Wesley is about to comply, the results of pouring an entire tube of lubricant down his anus become apparent as Picard begins projectile defecating upward, producing a kind of “liquid poop fountain”. As they are dying of thirst, Wesley and Dirgo decide to greedily drink this brown refreshment. At this moment, the rescue party from the Enterprise materializes. Picard’s spectacle causes everyone to vomit, with the exception of Data who is busily trying to implant his emotion chip. Despite Riker’s plaintive warnings, Data inserts the chip, citing his need for “new experiences”. Picard overhearing this and fully evacuated of diarrhea, invites Data to participate in a “special experience.” Ignoring Riker’s pleas, Data falls victim to Picard’s perverse persuasions, all the while announcing that he is “proficient in 463 forms of sexual techniques.” Picard hears this and demands technique number 247, the “Dirty Sanchez”. Data states that such a reprehensible act will require a special Federation authorization code. Picard, of course, has this special code memorized by heart and begins shrieking it out like a broken klaxon. While in the middle of coital congress, Data’s emotion chip overloads, rendering the affable alien android’s emotion chip permanently damaged. Wesley passes out from the trauma of witnessing such a bizarre series of events. Wesley is woken some time later by his mother, who informs him that Picard is all right and his vital signs are stabilized. As Picard is carried out on a stretcher, he grabs Wesley's hand and confesses, "You will be missed." Background Information Story and production * This episode was created expressly with the purpose of providing an appropriate way for Wil Wheaton to leave the show. Wheaton had asked to leave The Next Generation so he could pursue offers to appear in feature films. (Star Trek: The Next Generation Companion 2nd ed., p. 149) * Michael Piller commented, "There had been a lot of very bad feeling around here about the way Tasha Yar was sent off. So we were determined to give Wesley a send-off that had real value and something that stayed with us. We finally decided that he would go to the Academy, which I think was Gene's idea and the most reasonable and easiest idea, which also keeps him alive for future episodes." (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) * In the original story, Wesley and Picard crashed on an ice planet. On the suggestion of Rick Berman, this was changed as it was believed that a desert planet could be created more realistically. (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) * This episode was previously titled "Turnabout". http://www.st-minutiae.com/academy/literature329/183.txt * Jeri Taylor recalled, "That's the episode I probably put more work on than any all year long, because it was a combination of a very delicate kind of interpersonal story, and the dreaded technical story which is the garbage scow in space. So I had this supertechnical thing going on at the same time as this delicate kind of interpersonal story." (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) * The shuttle Nenebek was named after Larry Nemecek. Jeri Taylor related to Nemecek years later that she had one of his TNG Concordances on her shelf, and simply altered two of the letters in his last name. * Two days of location shooting were done on the El Mirage Dry Lake Bed in San Bernardino County, east of Los Angeles to portray the surface of Lambda Paz. (Star Trek: The Next Generation Companion 2nd ed., p. 149) * The fountain was created on Stage 16. Rick Berman recalled, "We had huge optical problems with the fountain. It was a nightmare. It was something we built and it didn't work. Then we were going to do it optically and that didn't work. So we had a lot of technical problems." (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) * First UK airdate: 1 June 1994 Cast * This episode marks Wesley Crusher's final regular appearance on TNG. He later appeared in the episodes , , (in an alternate timeline) and . * Nick Tate later plays Liam Bilby in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode . Continuity * Wesley references his prior shuttle trip with Picard in . * Before beginning their trek to the mountains, Dirgo distributes some phasers he scavenged from his damaged shuttle. The props used are Starfleet phaser pistols circa 2285, from , which would make sense since Dirgo operated his shuttle with old and outdated equipment. * The groundskeeper for the Starfleet Academy, Boothby, is mentioned for the first time. He would later appear in several TNG and VOY episodes. * According to the graphic on Data's ops station, the shuttle Nenebek leaves through the Main shuttlebay. The Main shuttlebay was only seen once more in . Reception * Michael Piller remarked, "I think Jeri did a wonderful job on the script and Corey Allen, who is one of my favorite directors, gave you the best pieces of film you can get. If it gets an A- instead of an A, it's only because the story itself, of two guys trapped on a planets and how do we get off, in general is not very original, and the story of the garbage scow was no great shakes either. But I think we handled it pretty well." (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) * Rick Berman added, "That's one of my favorite episodes. I think it was very poignant and the acting on the part of our guest cast, Nick Tate, Patrick's work and Wil's, was just excellent. I thought it was just a terrific piece of drama." (Captains' Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, p. 212) Video and DVD releases *Original UK VHS release (two-episode tapes, CIC Video): Volume 42, . *UK re-release (three-episode tapes, Paramount Home Entertainment): Volume 4.3, . *As part of the TNG Season 4 DVD collection. Links and references Starring * Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard * Jonathan Frakes as Commander William T. Riker Also starring * LeVar Burton as Lieutenant Commander Geordi La Forge * Michael Dorn as Lieutenant Worf * Gates McFadden as Doctor Beverly Crusher * Marina Sirtis as Counselor Deanna Troi * Brent Spiner as Lieutenant Commander Data * Wil Wheaton as Ensign Wesley Crusher Guest Stars *Nick Tate as Dirgo *Kim Hamilton as Songi *Mary Kohnert as Tess Allenby Uncredited Co-Stars *Michael Braveheart as Martinez *Tracee Lee Cocco as Jae References Alcohol; asteroid; Auprès de ma Blonde, Boothby; Captain; Celsius; Chairman; class M; construction module; deflector; dehydration; deuterium; dresci; duranium; ermanium; Federation law; fission reactor; force field; frequency; fusion generator; Gamelan V; Gamelan sun; Gamelan system; garbage scow; guidance coupling; hertz; hyronalin; Lambda Paz; lava; Mach; magnetic field; main shuttlebay ; maneuvering thruster; Medical Unit One; Meltasion asteroid belt; millirad; mining shuttle; Nenebek; oven; Pentarus II; Pentarus III; Pentarus V; Pentarus station; Pentarus system; radiation; radiation exposure protocol; Regalian; replicator; salenite; selenium; sentry; shearing force; sonodamite; Starbase 515; Starfleet Academy; tricorder; ventilation system; volcano; water |next= }} de:Die letzte Mission es:Final Mission fr:Final Mission it:L'ultima missione (episodio) ja:TNG:ファイナル・ミッション～新たなる旅立ち～ nl:Final Mission pl:Final Mission Category:TNG episodes